Had a rough visit with therapist yesterday. I have been feeling pretty good lately, and I'm grateful for each moment in the sunshine. However during our conversation it became apparent that i am deeply afraid to trust, accept love , and be happy. He was encouraging me to "step through the door where all my negative voices and beliefs would be erased and accept the belief that I am a valued child of God. I couldn't do it. You see, i know what a horrible person I am. my cruel thoughts, selfishness, things I've done to hurt my family, people i've let down. I just can't seem to let go of those things, forgive myself, and move forward. I'm scared of the unknown and what happens when the next hurt/disappointment/failure happens. I'm just too afraid of the next step and the moment when I'm hurt again.... I'm afraid i'll get lost again in the pit and might not be able to pull out of it. I'm scared of the pain and the heartbreak of accepting love. It is easier/safer to keep my walls up. Any thoughts?