Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
i can be quite obsessive when it comes to trying to figure something out... i can't really help it though, i just HAVE to understand ya know what i mean?
so i read alot... cross check everything and whatever...
i think my last pdoc thought i was just rehearsing stuff because i "knew too much"...
but whatever, i like to be educated so if i intimidate the doc i guess i need to get a new one :/
anyway, i found this article that seems really interesting and tries to explain things in a way i haven't seen yet - this is part of it that i have been wandering about since i started looking into dissociation...
Dissociative Identity Disorder: Finding and speaking to alters / insiders/ parts
quite a few times i felt like this but i pushed it aside because i thought it was just me being weird... which according to this article could offend alters and cause them not to show themselves 
but i dunno if i do have any alters or not, its just that the things i went through... it seems like other people that do have it went through similar things... so im just trying to explore and learn as much as i can so that i can try to rectify my self, if that makes sense...
if i do have this it would explain so much  like why i reacted the way i did to certain triggers... completely out of character
but i asked about the co-host thing because it feels like im always 2 people...
there is this voice locked in my head and there is my persona that is shown through my body... i feel like i am the voice but my body is just a persona that has adapted to survive the world... if that makes sense...
when i do talk with my voice it feels kind of weird because i never speak what i hear inside, i feel so vulnerable to do that
but anyway, i think that article is really good at explaining some things so thought maybe would be a good idea to share it 
edit:
when yall first learned that you had alters, was it scary?
like when they first started talking?
edit edit:
some while i was reading through that article i was having a lot of flashbacks :/
*shivers* now i feel nasty  |
no it wasnt scary for me to learn i had alters. short version I always heard voices and had other symptoms of DID since very early childhood. having DID was my normal. just like someone who grows up with blue eyes or black hair is their normal. what was scary for me was not hearing the voices not having so many dissociative symptoms after the alters all merged together with me. that was not normal for me.
like when they started talking...um they started talking upon the very first moment of their creation before I was 5 years old...so no it wasnt scary the first time they started talking. the only time an alters first talking scared me was with my psychosis type alters (alters because I was hallucinating/delusions) it wasnt normal for me to have these type alters so when I had one due to medication problem it was scary.
something you might not know about DID and having dissociative type alters. its a mental disorder that happens in very young children here in the USA due to extreme abuse. so for example an adult with DID had had that mental disorder and the problems\symptoms\ everything that comes with having DID since before they are 5 years old. some dont get....diagnosed....until they are adults. But getting the diagnosis doesnt change anything other than putting a name on what has been happening since very early childhood. so things like hearing the alters, feeling numb, spaced out, disconnected is a dissociative persons normal, it usually doesnt create negative feelings like being scared.
in the diagnostic criteria it states wording like clinical distress. that isnt things like being afraid of ones alters, it means having negative feelings and moments due to having the disorder for example sometimes I would have depression symptoms or have an alter who was suicidal. sometimes my blood pressure was too high or too low. dealing with becoming aware in strange places would cause me a bit of intrusive thoughts. but knowing the alters were there before and after getting the diagnosis and hearing them talk well that was just normal for me.