this is sort of what i feel like
A Philosopher Refutes the 'Stuck in Time' Hypothesis of Amnesia | Motherboard
Quote:
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Try to imagine it: just seeing the present. Every experience is immediately lost to you, leaving a temporal wake of just darkness and void, maybe some fuzzy shapes. How would you formulate a future then, make plans and evaluate possible outcomes? It's easy to see how this circumstance might lead to something like being "stuck" in the present: nothing behind you, and a corresponding inability to put together what's in front of you. Maybe it would be more like drifting aboard a small raft on an open sea, traveling hundreds of miles in the cradle of some current, but with the reward just more of the same blue against blue, and the same raft. It's hard to imagine emptyness being more anxiety-inducing.
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part of the article...
im so stuck :/ but i keep spacing out so its hard to really read... or figure things out...
like walking in circles, i think my mind is leading me on a "wild goose chase "
i have been having a lot of flashbacks past few weeks.. or months.. time is hard to gauge... so maybe everything that i am doing is good? it just seems like its getting worse but maybe its getting better?
i dunno, i think im gonna try to take a break from everything... maybe let what i have tried to take in settle down and register i guess
i just wish i could see a doctor, i will soon... just as long as i get those benefits so i can afford it...
i had a lot of weird dreams last night, including one about the benefits... in the dream they denied me and said that i didnt qualify and that i dont need their help...
im still really anxious because of that dream... i think my heart will stop beating and my entire being will crumble to dust if that happens...
i guess part of me is just scared because a big part of me just hides everything and for the most part its hard for people that dont know me to see that anything is wrong...
but for example, i went to the store with my dad and brother once and i guess i was acting really jumpy or skittish or paranoid or something and my brother was like "if someone doesn't believe you have problems just go shopping with them!"
i guess i snapped at him for goofing around or something... drawing attention my way i guess
but its only when people are around me for long enough that they can start to see different things in me, its so hard because i dont really want to hide myself but i feel like i have to, or something.. but it hurts me in the long run because i cant get the right help...
im just gonna try to chill for a few days i think... its just my time perception is off and ill think its been some days but it only been 1 day... or vice versa.. think its been 1 day and its been a few weeks..
well, i guess i just have to do what i have always tried to do, go with the flow..
