I am not so much angry as I'm scared...

Right now, she's just taking next week off. Her daughter has surgery Monday. We do not know if that's all she's taking off, or if that's just for starters.

What if I can't make it without her?
What if I need her?
What if I want her?
I'm so selfish...

She's never been off more than 4 work days in a row since I've been with her, and I've always been scheduled for that 5th day back - to make it from Thursday's appointment to the next Monday or even later scares me because what if it's another week?

It's all just kind of hanging right now. I go to the same church she does but even there I won't see her if she stays with her daughter over the weekend.

But along with the scared feeling - I'm genuinely happy. I'm so glad her daughter gets to have such a loving mom with her- that her mom is willing to take the time off to care for her. I know how much pain the daughter has been in and how much my T has worried about her. To know that it will be fixed is a relief in a way.

It's so hard because I feel either way I put it, I'm not telling the truth. If I say I'm happy I leave out the sad, if I say how upset I am I come across as selfish.