You know what? You *can't* actually figure this out by yourself. You can't figure it out on here either - like I could share some of my experience with you, but that wouldn't actually help you or be useful to you in any way at all, yet I get the feeling you would try to relate it in a meaningful way to your own experience... and yet it wouldn't actually have any correlation to your own truth at all. Sadly, saying how it is for me won't really help YOU.
What might be able to help you will be working with your own therapist. Maybe working on some relaxation or self care techniques. Finding ways to calm that anxiety and find peacefulness within yourself. And then working with your t in your sessions.

Remember, whatever you have or don't have, you've had (or not had!) it for a while, and nothing in this world can fix it quickly.
You don't need all the answers NOW and - even if you had them - it can't all be fixed NOW.
It is okay (imperative even!) to figure things out slowly, over a period of time.
It is okay to breathe.
It is okay to slow down.
It is okay to be gentle with yourself.