And I have no idea why.

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER -- BE CAREFUL****

I trusted my one lovely friend who has always been there for me... I gave him some of my SI "tools" or things that can tempt me.

He took scissors yesterday, and brought them back today. Now he's got two knives, and he's not back until Friday. That seems so long.

He told me I've made progress, that a few months ago I wouldn't have trusted him enough to give them to him... he's right, I wouldn't have. Didn't pry one of them out of my hand, but he may of had to, if he didn't look so compassionate and was absolutely lovely.

... he's asking me to take care of myself and not hurt myself until Friday. I trust his contract more, because I can contact him. Unlike T. He's doing it because he cares ... and by the same logic, I care about him, so I kinda have to care about myself.

This is all too much for me right now. I've been without them for under an hour, and already I want to call him up and beg him to come back to university and give them to me. He wouldn't, but maybe he'd calm me down.

I don't feel so good right now.