Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
If you off yourself he will most definitely be hurt.
You have mentioned several intertwining themes, including: suicidal ideation, doubting the relationship, willingness to stay so as not not hurt him, sexual incompatibility, attraction to another, fear of being alone, unhappiness that goes beyond the relationship, self dislike/self-hate. I wonder if you can discuss or have discussed what you posted here with a therapist.
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Well, if I off myself I don't have to be around to watch him get hurt. I know I'm terrible for thinking that and I know it's completely irrational, which is why I'm pretty sure it won't happen (also, offing myself would affect more people than my boyfriend and I don't want that - I don't want to hurt anyone).
I do see a psychologist once every two weeks or so and we've been talking about some of this stuff a little bit, but far from enough. I'm afraid of going on and on about the same thing (I know my psychologist doesn't want us to get stuck).
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
IMHO if things are great then you wouldn't be having crushes. When I felt like having a crush was when my marriage/relationship was going downhill. I don't think you'd be having crushes if things were as good as you say they are
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Never said things are good. Things are quite bad actually. We have good days but (had a really good day a few days ago) but those days are pretty rare, which is sad. I should add that things aren't bad for my boyfriend most of the time. I think he's happy-ish in this relationship. I'm the one who's unhappy. Everything is my "fault". I blame myself. I ****ed this up by being myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ozzycat
I'm going thru something similar and I know what you are going thru. I know with my situation I felt chemistry with this other person that I really don't have with my current boyfriend. I am trying to work on the relationship to reignite the fire and I am ending it if I can't. Sometimes relationships can't be fixed and it made me realize I don't need to settle for a unhappy relationship. Unfortunately the person I had chemist ry with is married so I will not pusue it no matter what happens in my current relationship but who knows maybe one day we will both br single I still think about hinlm
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I don't really know if I have "chemistry" with my crush. I just admire her from afar. I don't know her. I talk to her but I don't know her. It does make me a little disappointed thinking that there will never be anything between us but that's stupid. It's stupid because I'm in a relationship so I shouldn't be disappointed.
Anyway, I hope things work with your boyfriend.