I've been trying two meetup groups. Actually now it's just one, and I'll try a new one. The one I stopped going to was a language meetup. I'm not interested in language in itself. I have the capacity to learn by myself. The other one is more random, where people from different countries/languages meet to exchange talks in different languages casually without any rules, or being with a fixed person all the time. At first, I was more outgoing and initiate talks, but after two meetings I began to withdraw and isolate myself; I became self-conscious as usual. For example, last time, I went early on and talked with someone who came early as well, and we talked for a while. But then we separated. When we separated I walked around to find another group to talk to, and I just couldn't do it. In my mind I saw it as an intrusion, even though people do it all the time. So, I stood some where, and began looking at my phone for 15-20 mins, and then I just left. I try to go to coffee shops to be around people, but no talks happen, let alone random talks with random people at the street or public transportation. When I want to talk with someone, many thoughts are activated in my mind that make me anxious, and sometimes shaking, even if I'm conscious that what I'm thinking is most likely not valid if I try. My past experience with talking to people isn't good, and this reinforces the idea that I'm socially inept, and makes it harder for me to socialize.