I'm 19 years old and I've had a rocky life of betrayal and alienation. It is incredibly hard to trust anyone with anything; I instinctively try to be as independent as possible because I'm the only person I feel I can lean on. This is a destructive thought pattern, and I am trying oh so hard to break free of it. I haven't had many friends recently, I've cut off all ties with my old friends because of the negative memories of my teenage years they stirred up.

I've made the first positive effort in god knows who long to trust and connect with another human being. I've been talking to this girl who seems to genuinely like me, we have so much in common, and we've both been hurt (although I've been through a lot worse). We've been talking for weeks now and we've changed pictures constantly, but we're going to meet up soon.

This can be the change I need to bring me out of my emotional purgatory, but it feels like I just, can't. I tend to be needy, I talk a lot, I over analyze and pick apart invisible cues that likely don't even exist. I interpret things too strongly and assume there's problems when things are just fine. I'm so tempted to just cut things off before she finds out I'm crazy and cuts me off - but I'll never get better if I do that. I feel so tense and stressed out because if people see that I'm such a nervous wreck I'll be called a downer and nobody will want to be around me.

*Sigh*

What can I do to worry less, to get a grip, to settle this anxious spirit inside of me? I want to change, so bad. I've made the continual effort to come out of my shell and get used to people, but it's so hard when you have such deep trust issues... If we've been talking constantly for a few weeks, is there a big chance this is all some cruel joke or she won't like me in person? Should I keep a distance, just in case? I know this is probably all in my head, it's just so hard to expect anything but the worst out of people.