I know. I'm not cheating though. I experience thoughts and feelings (?) I can't really control. If I was to act on those thoughts/feelings, that would be cheating (even if it wasn't physical).

Born To Succeed, Bill3, and s4ndm4n2006: I think you're all right. It's just very difficult to not hate myself for all of this. My boyfriend is pretty much the most wonderful person in the world and he doesn't deserve getting hurt. Anyway, I think my crush and all of the feelings of doubt I have signal that there's something that not right in the relationship with my boyfriend. I'm desperately trying to figure this out because I want us both to be happy.

Sometimes I try to think of what I'd do if I didn't have to take anyone else's feelings into consideration. Like, what would I do if I didn't have to worry about hurting my boyfriend or my family? What would I do if I didn't have to worry about ending up alone? What would I do if I didn't risk being homeless if I broke up with my boyfriend? Even if I didn't have to worry about any of that, it's still a difficult decision. I still don't know what to do.