Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbyj
It's hard to say i was very off and on. I'd binge hard for a few weeks and then stop for a week or so. Kind of to keep withdrawals on the "mild" side. I overdosed a couple of times from this. My longest clean time in the last 6ish years was last year for 6 months. Problem with me and drugs is they make me crazy, suicidal, aggressive, unstable, depressed, just a big ball of insanity that creeps up on me even after 1 use. I'm ashamed how i've acted with friends and other people while on drugs, i really need to be 100% sober, even though i still like to drink on the occasion. People never know what to expect from me and i know i'm better than that. It has ruined so many things for me. Luckily exercise helps, i'm better when it's nice out, but we rarely have sun here so it's difficult so stay consistent. Then i get depressed that i screw up all my progress. Sometimes i consider moving somewhere else, maybe better weather would help me.
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The fact that you recognize you're slipping is a huge step! I know we obsess and think about it day in and out but look at each day as a war that's been won. First off, who is your source to get opiates from? Lose all contact with that person, doctor, whoever. And I find that tattling on myself helps. I fessed up to my pdoc that I'm not doing so well with my stimulants and it was a simple fix, she just never wrote the script again. If you're getting them from a person then delete their number right away. Change your number if you have to. Block their calls and texts. Do whatever you can to build a road block there and most importantly, be honest with yourself and professionals. I can relate on how these opiates make you crazy. I often still chase the need to be hypomanic so I abuse. Yet once I come down im feeling depressed and just plain ****** about myself. Stop the cycle wherever you can.
Hang in there! ((Hugs))