Quote:
Originally Posted by Wandering Soul
I've been trying two meetup groups. Actually now it's just one, and I'll try a new one. The one I stopped going to was a language meetup. I'm not interested in language in itself. I have the capacity to learn by myself. The other one is more random, where people from different countries/languages meet to exchange talks in different languages casually without any rules, or being with a fixed person all the time. At first, I was more outgoing and initiate talks, but after two meetings I began to withdraw and isolate myself; I became self-conscious as usual. For example, last time, I went early on and talked with someone who came early as well, and we talked for a while. But then we separated. When we separated I walked around to find another group to talk to, and I just couldn't do it. In my mind I saw it as an intrusion, even though people do it all the time. So, I stood some where, and began looking at my phone for 15-20 mins, and then I just left. I try to go to coffee shops to be around people, but no talks happen, let alone random talks with random people at the street or public transportation. When I want to talk with someone, many thoughts are activated in my mind that make me anxious, and sometimes shaking, even if I'm conscious that what I'm thinking is most likely not valid if I try. My past experience with talking to people isn't good, and this reinforces the idea that I'm socially inept, and makes it harder for me to socialize.
|
So it seems the Meet up groups you have tried have been very much conversational ones, well let me tell you that would stress me out - kudos for putting yourself out of your comfort zone like that.
I'm not going to comment on what would make you feel as you describe in social situations (it's not for me to diagnose) except to say that I myself identify as tending to introversion, which means that in a larger group with lots of conversations going on I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes in my life it's necessary to be in situations like this (parties for example), but I do not seek them out because I do not thrive in that environment - I usually need recovery afterwards, lots of quiet and solitude.
But like you I do need companionship and friendship, and like you I didn't have enough of that in my life a few years back. It pained me, I went through umpteen different attempts to broaden my social circle with mixed results - often like yourself I would end up feeling uncomfortable and awkward, like I didn't fit.
What ultimately worked for me was a mixture of volunteering and sports, both of these are very much activity based - conversation is incidental, but that means there's no pressure to 'strike up' or perform. I was just doing what I was doing, around others, enjoying it, and if I met nice like-minded people along the way that was a bonus. After a few years I had come across some really great people, eventually I made some of the best friends of my life and lots of other people who I know on a more superficial basis.
Of course my self-esteem is still a little dented from my past and I often wonder why these wonderful people want to be my friend, but that's another thread.
Hope somewhere in all of this there is something that can help you, feel free to message me if you want any clarification or just moral support.