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I have been to so many therapists in my life--and am now 44 years old. I was raped and molested as a child from ages 3-10 by a male physician. No therapist was ever able to help me--except my current one.
However, after 2 years of therapy--I have come to the conclusion that I think he has abandoned me. The therapy sessions have gotten shorter, and we have basically stopped talking about any of the sexual issues that traumatize me. I think --as most therapists would assume--that when they have other clients who progress at a quicker pace--that they get exhausted, or are consumed with those who are progressive.
I simply can't seem to heal beyond what happened to me as a child. No amount of pills, therapy, or hospitals are ever going to cure me. I haven't been on a date in almost 12 years. Reason being--that whenever I've tried to be intimate with someone--that I get flashbacks of being raped as a child. So, I stay away from people and avoid relationships all together.
I have researched many avenues as to WHY I would have entered this world with such a horrible start. The most dominate conclusion I have reached--is that it's atonement for who or what I was in a previous lifetime.
I decided to take my sabbatical this year as a professor--and use the year to pick up another Master's degree. I opted for a foreign country--in hopes that, some of these issues might fade or dissolve--with a new environment or surroundings. They have not.
At this stage, I think it is time to bid therapy farewell. I have honestly tried the majority of my life to heal through therapy. And, while I found my current therapist to be so rewarding and positive--and I really believed I was on the path to recovery...I think he gave up on me.
I'm exhausted from this process.
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