Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
She keeps saying it to me every week, she says we are not getting to the real work as in CSA and sexuality and I have done quite a lot of healing on that myself but I can't with her because I don't trust her. She constantly shames me, blames me and judges me and so I won't go there.
This weeks session was the worst. In fairness I am trusting her to have done her own work and resolved her own issues but the more we continue our work together it is obvious that she has not resolved a lot of her own issues and they do interfere in our work together!
I called her a hypocrite to sit there and judge me. In fairness I have done a lot more therapy than anyone else I know in my class and will continue to be in therapy for as long as I need even though I have more than completed the required amount.
I also told her that she doesn't know the work I do with my clients and I would never judge them like she has and does judge me, I told her to mind her own business and I know it was defensive but she really went too far this week. She never encourages and bits always negative.
I have a really excellent supervisor now, she is not my supervisor and crossed so many boundaries it is hard to seperate who she is and what role does she play in my life. T you are my therapist, not my mother and not my supervisor.
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I don't think I'd last very long with a therapist who made the distinction between "real" work and...what, exactly? Fake work? Isn't it up to the client to decide what sort of work is helpful? Or are we in some sort of competition for spiritual enlightenment in which everything ugly and difficult about us must be cut away and exposed to the light, the more blood and tears the better?
I find myself particularly prickly that she'd have this attitude around CSA. If my therapist had ever gone after this subject with any level of aggression, It would have destroyed the relationship. Because interest like that looks far too much like voyeuristic attunement to me, and the command to "trust" the therapist with this toxic material looks far too much like the command to "trust" the abuser who created that material in the first place.
You are not there to entertain the therapist with intense material or satisfy their need to witness extreme emotional experiences. If the most helpful and healing thing for you is to sit for fifty minutes in companionable silence as you color a ****ing dolphin, then the therapist's job is to sit there in companionable silence as you color a ****ing dolphin. That the therapist might find this boring says nothing about the needs of the client and everything about the needs of the therapist.