Granite, I suspect if you took a poll and asked how many of us have had meltdowns in our T's office very similar to what you describe and been totally horrified about it, you'd discover that this isn't all that unusual. It doesn't make you bad. It doesn't make you a brat. It doesn't make you an idiot. It just makes you human -- a person in anxiety and pain and overwhelmed by life.

Sounds like your T was concerned for your health and emotional well-being. Try to accept that you DO have her. She is there to support you and help you through this. It's okay to to think of that as professional caring, but it IS caring nonetheless and doesn't mean it is "just a job" for her to care about you or just an act. The caring is real; even if it is in a professional role that caring is very sincere. Your T has demonstrated that caring time and time again.

Be gentle with your messages to yourself. Finding empathy for your own pain is something you seem to have difficulty with. You tend to hear all those negative messages in your head and berate yourself rather than just allowing that your pain is real and it is okay to be in pain. I remember when I finally gained empathy for myself; it was an important milestone. I was in a therapy group and finally realized that if I could be so angry and sad and horrified for the other women in my group who had been through very similar circumstances, logic said it made no sense that I couldn't have empathy for myself, who was really going through the same struggles. I hope you can reach that point for yourself; I suspect your T is working with you to find that empathy for your own experience.