Well not ALL the time. In fact I quite frequently simply ask for advice from an appropriate source when and if I feel I need it, but in this case I really didn't do so, and while I generally encourage debate and discussion just to look at the situation from different angles, there is a point where that sort of thing just isn't useful anymore.

And there were definitely more than a few "points of view" on this topic that were beyond useless, not to say outright counterproductive. (not saying yours was specifically, i meant in general)

I mean it's not rocket science here. It's pretty obvious what i "should" be doing for myself, and how I can most easily improve my quality of life RIGHT NOW... But the reality of the situation is that it's just not that simple, and it rarely if ever is in life.

The truth is that 90% of everyone who gets a divorce does so for their own personal reasons and benefits, and they justify that decision to themselves by reverse rationalizing that decision to the point where they are convinced "it was best for everyone". Was it really? Well that deserves an in-depth observation of every specific situation. I think it CAN be the truth when you make said decision because you are so miserable, so completely at your wits end in your current situation that it's undermining your emotional health and your ability to function as a parent/son/daughter/brother/sister/employee or just overal as a human being that isn't being submitted to mind numbing stress, or when the stakes simply aren't that high... when all you really need to think about is who is going to get the TV, the nice set of stake knives and who is going to move and who isn't.

To clarify; I am perfectly FINE. I can cope with this situation just fine, and i will continue to cope with it for as long as I deem necessary.

Perhaps it's difficult to truly grasp how and why, but I am genuinely, strongly convinced that my kids are far FAR better off the way things are now, than if I were to pull the plug on this family and start over.

Maybe my kids will be fine, eventually, but my wife won't, and she is their mother, and they rely on her, for better or worse, in a lot of things. Me pulling the plug now will be the same as crashing her into completely chaos, and my kids are going to be in the middle of it.

So no, i'm not going to do that. I'm still on the younger side of my life, and fate willing i will be around long enough to see my kids grow up well, maybe even help my wife find some stability in her life (I want to explicitly state this is NOT a goal i have, because i can already hear the stampeding horses of the keyboard psychoanalyst running up with a white knight badge.), AND still have enough time left to start over and maybe some day have the kind of relationship that is actually rewarding to me, and with someone who actually appreciates me or has even a vague clue as to what my value system is all about.

But for right now that's just not an option.

At any length i think I've vented enough for now, and for a long time to come ;-)