Thank-you for taking the time to respond to me.

My therapist is also my Rabbi. A few years after the molestation
stopped as a child--I began having Holocaust nightmares.
They've continued for the past 31 years.

I was connected to him after someone from the Jewish community
read my blog about my nightmares--and asked if I ever considered
trying therapy with a Rabbi who was also a licensed psychotherapist.

My Rabbi has told me that no amount of reassurance on his part
will cease my issues with feeling abandoned; and it's true.
I was engaged 19 years ago to the most wonderful man.
He was a Vietnam veteran. He too, suffered from PTSD from what
he witnessed during the war. Sadly, he passed away from a severe
heart attack 3 months before our wedding. I know he was in love with me
with all his heart and soul...but I still wondered in the back of my mind
WHEN he would tire of me and leave.

No amount of reassurance from anyone--even those whom I know love me--
makes the abandonment issue cease. It's one of the reasons why I isolate and
don't make any attempt to form friendships. People don't deserve to have these
issues heaped upon them--especially when they don't deserve it.

My mother was having an affair with the medical doctor who molested and raped me. I was the result of the affair. Neither one of them wanted me, and she was married. My father (who is not my biological father)--has remained
married to her until this day. I don't understand why. She gave me up for adoption a few months after I was born...and ended up going back and retrieving me. WHY she did this...is beyond me.

I have asked her 3 times in my life why she did what she did. I've told her several times that she ruined my sex life forever. She says nothing. And, even if she were to say she was sorry...it wouldn't cure me or solve the problems I have suffered from for the majority of my life.

My Rabbi is a good man and a good therapist. But, I feel that I have exhausted
him. And, there comes a point--that if this is what I have done--I have simply
worn out my welcome in regard to therapy. And, it is better to exit quietly
and on a good note vs. being told to scram.