I started questioning my sexuality about half a year ago when I realised there was something "wrong" with me. I didn't feel like I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I didn't feel the need/want to have sex. I started doing some research and realised I could be somewhere between the sexual and asexual spectrum. Anyway, that research suddenly triggered all these questions about myself and my sexuality that I hadn't allowed myself to think about before.

I started thinking back at a couple of specific events that had happened during the past years and realised I probably had crushes on people of the same sex back then. It wasn't super obvious though but if I compared what I felt in those moments and what I usually feel for people, those were most likely crushes or at least attraction. I then started to imagine what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex (to be in a romantic relationship with them etc.) and realised I was very curious about it. Since then I've done a lot of research and I've had at least one other crush on someone of the same sex, but I still haven't come to a conclusion about the exact label yet. I'm probably bisexual with quite a low sex-drive (but I could also be biromantic grey-asexual). Pretty sure I'm "bi-" something though, unless I'm imagining everything.

For some reason I worry that I'm imagining everything and that I'm making it up. That I'm somehow forcing myself to feel attracted to people of the same sex and I feel like my sexuality might not be valid since I realised I'm probably bi quite late in life (25 years old), even though I might've repressed for a long time it since I grew up in a religious family. I also worry that my sexuality might not be valid since I'm not sure of it and since I'm not 100 % sure the crushes were actually crushes (not sure what else they'd be though). I'm open to the thought/idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone of the same or opposite sex (especially with someone of the same sex right now).

Anyway, I just worry that I'm not a "real bisexual" because my journey to discover my sexuality has been very unclear and filled with doubt. You hear a lot about people who've known they're gay or bi or whatever since they were really young. That's not what it's been like for me and that worries me (I'm very prone to anxiety and irrational thoughts though). Also, I struggle a lot with internalised bi-/homophobia (clarification: only when it comes to my own sexuality) due to my upbringing, so that might be why I doubt this so much.

What was it like for you? Any other thoughts on this?