(((((forklift)))))) I am so so sorry that you lost your wife, your best friend. Time will make things different but one month is not very long. It is understandable that you are still devastated. It is okay to lean on family and friends if you have ones that are close and strong. It is also okay to lean on us here at PC - we have all been down dark paths and can help you hang in there until the light returns. Take care of yourself and be understanding of yourself.