Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbyj
It's hard to say i was very off and on. I'd binge hard for a few weeks and then stop for a week or so. Kind of to keep withdrawals on the "mild" side. I overdosed a couple of times from this. My longest clean time in the last 6ish years was last year for 6 months. Problem with me and drugs is they make me crazy, suicidal, aggressive, unstable, depressed, just a big ball of insanity that creeps up on me even after 1 use. I'm ashamed how i've acted with friends and other people while on drugs, i really need to be 100% sober, even though i still like to drink on the occasion. People never know what to expect from me and i know i'm better than that. It has ruined so many things for me. Luckily exercise helps, i'm better when it's nice out, but we rarely have sun here so it's difficult so stay consistent. Then i get depressed that i screw up all my progress. Sometimes i consider moving somewhere else, maybe better weather would help me.
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Moving somewhere else will not help you....save your money. I know many have thought moving was the solution and what I have heard them repeat..time and time again in meetings...is wherever they GO....the same person is there "THEM".
We somehow have learned to cope with all our feelings..even happiness by escaping with drugs or alcohol. After a period of time away from it....the cravings get less. I had 8 years at one time and one day I thought I could just have some beer....That was 2 years ago...and I still struggle.
Yesterday must have been national slip up day because I slipped too...after 75 days of not drinking. I was so sick this morning.....but I didn't drink. I was puking yesterday....and just wanted the day to end. I knew today I would want to drink to take away the "pain" of the relapse but I did not.
Do you see a therapist? What I did that has helped me a great deal...was ask the therapist to randomly test me for alcohol. I took a big chance drinking yesterday and the day before (thinking they already called me this week). Alcohol can show for 4 days on their tests....so if they call me in on Monday....I have 24 hours to show up....If I go on Tuesday...this last slip should not show.
I had beer in the house this a.m. and knew if I drank it....that I would end up with a positive test for alcohol and that would not be good. As I have applied for disability and I am trying to document that I AM NOT DRINKING.
I heard drugs are even harder to quit...because they don't give you a hangover...so therefore less consequences the next day.
Hold on to the fact that you have done this before and succeeded for 6 months...you can do it again. Of course because you re-introduced it into your body...your thoughts for a little while will evolve around drugs.
But, it will get easier if you just don't pick up.