If he has gotten his associates degree and currently his lowest grade is an 86, then he and you are doing well in advancing his college education. And this is with a student who has had learning difficulties and brought himself back from dropping out of his life.

Exercise great care in choosing how to rock this boat.

How did you handle funding the college education of your other two children?

If you paid for that, then a big chunk of what you are doing is giving him the same thing that you gave the other two: support while he attends college.

If he is living at home, presumably he needs the car. Did you pay for a dormitory for your other children? The car is a comparable expense for a child who lives at home.

What activities does he do with his father?

The allowance strikes me as quite excessive. If you are concerned about drugs, cutting that back would be a positive step. But: How did your other children obtain spending money while they were in college? If you gave them spending money, in my opinion it is hard to argue that he should have none.

I agree that he should have a job and especially that he should help out around the house. However, the fact is that you as parents created this situation, I am guessing out of fear of drug use. Therefore, in adjusting it now, in my opinion you must not come at him as if he is irresponsible or is lazy simply because he does what you have all along allowed him to do. Rather, in my view a better approach would be to compliment him on his progress in education to date and simply state that in your view he is ready to take on these additional responsibilities.

However you adjust the situation, it should be done in a spirit of encouragement, support, and confidence in him--not in a spirit of frustration, resentment, anger, and dissatisfaction. As I said, exercise great care in choosing how to rock this boat.