Hi!! this is the hardest thing i have ever had to do...i have never put in word's before..(written down)...i've never told my T the whole story..no one know's the whole story...i feel sick...my earliest memory is taking a bath with my dad...he would have me wash his part's...i was a wee tot...my next memory is at 12 thru 15...my dad would have big parties and he would get me drunk and stoned...all of his friend's would take advantage of me....i was scared to tell anyone...i was raped by my best friend's brother when i was 19..(knife point)...i never told anyone....what really upset's me...i wasn't turned off by sex after all the abuse...quite the opposite...in 2004 one of my sister's confided into me and told me our dad molested her when she was a lil girl...made me sick that i never knew before..so i could have saved her from the pain...needless to say all my life i have confused love and sex...i need to vomit...i was never able to do anything right in my dad's eye's..he didn't love me...so i have been searching all my life for love...it's amazing i never feel love from anyone...like i'm not good enough...needless to say i keep picking men that i beg for love and attention froma nd i don't get it...and they think i'm a nympho..in turn they don't trust me...i hope i put this in the right place...wasn't sure where to post this...something came over me to post my feeling's here...thank you all for listening...bluevixen