((((((((((((((blue vixen)))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry this terrible thing has happened to you, well several terrible things. I can relate to the mix up between sex and love a lot, i was fairly premiscuous in my youth I suppose, looking for love in the wrong way, my parents didn't love me, I could never do anything right either, I was hurt and used by a lot of boyfriends. I too never truly feel loved to be honest. I hope you will overcome this and heal in your own good time the way I am trying now. I was abused too, by my mothers lover who was a pdoc. Feel free to pm me if you like.
Just know none of this was your fault, I think you are amazing to write your story and it's the first step to healing. I send gentle hugs if that's ok and wish you love and care.

Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxo