I don't know your age, but it seems like you are mentally processing your childhood and analyzing different things that happened. I think this is a normal part of healing. In my case I went thru treatment and therapy 25 years ago and since then I have come to terms with most things. I had issues with both parents and I decided one day to let the past go. (This does NOT mean I "erased" the abuse done to me. I decided that I wanted to live without the bad feelings.) They (parents) were still the same as ever, but what changed was me inside. I didn't tell them, didn't care what they thought or said or did. This was a very long process but once I decided not to let the past rule my present I felt like a burden was lifted.

I think you are making great progress. Keep it up!