Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2
Are you embarrassed by what your others say or do? And how do you deal with it? Do you accept it or try to hide it?
Looking back, our self-negativism was greatly promoted by the embarrassing things that we did.... according to the one that see's it that way.
It's so easy to be embarrassed about what some other said, did, thought- a movement, gesture, action, response...
Usually shock and horror with great embarrassment with "I can't believe that I did/said that" ensues coupled with feelings of fear, dread, and anxiety. Pretty normal, isn't it?
Being embarrassed by our Other selves kept us beating ourselves up. I noticed that we'd call ourselves bad names, down talk ourself, only to finally realize that we are bad mouthing each other- much like how our abusers did.
As of late, I'm trying to accept every quirky thing we do as a product of our system, to be strong enough to own it (this is the really really hard part) as what we do. Sometimes somethings are just so not acceptable.
But, some of the other parts have their own feelings on the matter and are not as mature in thought as I am while Others are trying to see it the same way.
Maybe I'm the embarrassing one because others want to stay hidden and unexposed?
It's all just a part of the Inner Conflict, I suppose.
What are your thoughts?
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I was never embarrassed before getting the diagnosis nor before integration. line in the sand is that everything they said and did was just the normal of how we were from before age 5.
After diagnosis i started paynig more attention to what was normal for other people and then being embarrassed that I wasnt normal but then my treatment provider told me I am how ever I was supposed to be in order to survive. getting a diagnosis doesnt change anything other than puts a name to whats already been happening for all my life. it may seem like I am doing more and more things to be embarrassed about but in reality I havent changed, it was just my perception that has changed. each alter had their own sense of agency so of course they were not going to be doing things the same way as I did. just part of how I always was.
After that what they did didnt embarrass me. I just accepted that, thats how they were and thats how they always were and how I always was.
now that Im fully integrated yes sometimes I get embarrassed when getting together with family and friends and we get to talking about days gone by and what we all did as children, how things were in school, the creative but strange\funny things we did in play, socialization\ getting through....