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Originally Posted by Nimportequoi
Hello wandering soul again 
From what you write in here you definitely seem to have social anxiety. Going out and feeling even more sad about all the laughter and good weather and stuff- I know this so well.
I think someone has made the suggestion to agree more on persons- I wouldn't do that. Back then earlier, I was a person that would always say her oppinion, but due to social anxiety, I felt that me saying my opinion so much may be socially inappropriate- so I changed my habit. And you know what happened? People loath me even more than before, but what's worse, I loath myself for having betrayed myself.
Is it that you don't want to see a doc due to anxiety or do you lack hope it'll be useful?
I'm afraid to do phone calls so I couldn't even get an appointment.
As far as I understood, you do seem to have problems initiating conversations- that would be a sign of social anxiety (which I have as well).
Another thing would be are you afraid of intimacy in relatiobships as well? Which would be the case if your anxiety would increase the more close you get to a person, e. g. at the first meetup, you had no problem talking to that person, but the second and third conversation made you even more anxious then before....
That could be a sign you have a Personality Disorder.
And I know non-professional diagnosing can be tricky... but I think we're all human beings capable of using our minds properly- and it can be a great relief to find out there is a "name" for what one is experiencing...
And, the last thing, I think it's perfectly fine to vent. You don't always have to give a "reason" to talk about what's bothering you- sometimes one just feels the desire to share one's thoughts and know that they a heard. At least that's my oppinion. |
People don't want you to disagree with them, that's why they tell you not to disagree with people. I do disagree with people, but it's not a random disagreeing and stubbornness and aggressiveness. I present
why I disagree in a friendly way if the other side keeps it friendly.
You described something similar to my situation: I don't approach people and initiate talks because I'm afraid of being judged, but I end up probably being judged any way of being so isolated and anxious. Yesterday I went to that meetup, and this time I didn't find someone I can talk to early on, so I just sat alone on a table checking my phone, and then I left very early, because I was sitting there alone amidst all the people who were talking to each others. You can imagine how that feels like.
I don't want to see a doctor because I see no point in doing so. I did before, and my experience was horrible, and I felt worse.
About intimacy, forget about it. Approaching people in general is frightening, but approaching girls for me is beyond that. In the back of my head, I always say why would a girl be interested in me, given that there are all those good looking and interesting guys, who make them laugh? Early on these meetings, I talked to a girl a little and she excused herself in a rude way, in my opinion, just to go to talk to the next guy. I don't handle rejection very well (even though I wasn't intending anything beyond a friendly talk), and this incident probably is the one which triggered in me the withdrawal process in those meetings, as most groups have girls in them.
Again, why knowing the name of the symptoms is important?
I appreciate your input. Thanks