No. That may conflict with something I said recently (re: playdough in the waiting room) so I'll explain a bit below. What I'll say now is that I am never embarrassed by the speech or behavior of someone I love.

Typically I try to hide it, but not out of embarrassment but rather out of expediency and a sincere desire to not engage with others more than I have to. Regardless of how I describe my reality, their response is going to give way to curiosity and rude or insensitive questions that they would bristle at if they stopped to think about how inappropriate the question was - but they won't. We are not the free entertainment committee. We have a cover charge - it's not monetary, it's love and respect. If you love us and respect us, I'd be glad to answer your questions. Otherwise, our life is none of your business and I'll simply play it off as a joke.

Ultimately though, 'Team Us' comes first.

Perhaps a change of perspective is in order.

Yes, normal. I don't try and fit in - that helps.

I remember this well - and all I can say is that until we changed the way we looked at each other, it was an inescapable trap. My wife and I work together on a horse ranch. If the boss came up and said something that triggered my wife - even if what the boss said was pretty benign, and my wife went off on them and told them that we quit...I'd have her back one hundred percent. Even if, as is the case, we had no other options at this point in our lives, and even if I thought she was wrong.

That is also how I am with my alter now. And guess what? She doesn't put me in those spots nearly as often any longer. She knows that I will back her one hundred percent and as a result, she checks herself before she wrecks me.

When I accepted her just the way she is - sincerely accepted her (and she can so tell), things changed. Once upon a time, she might have blurted out, "OMG, you are so ugly!" to some guy. I would be embarrassed and berate her. Now though, she's more likely to tell me that he's so ugly and I'll respond, "You're right, but that would hurt his feelings if we told him and we don't want to do that, do we? I mean, we don't like to get our feelings hurt, right? He probably knows and feels bad about it already. What do you think about saying something nice to him and try to make him smile?"

Look, I know the guy in question is ugly - no sense pretending he isn't. So I validate her. Having validation from me, the need to say it aloud goes away or at least diminishes greatly to a manageable level. Then we refocus on something else - we can be blunt, but we can also be kind. So I might redirect the idea to something more helpful or socially acceptable. Don't get me wrong, she does the same thing for me too. When I get angry at someone, for instance, she can often talk me down in seconds.

We don't see things the same way, but we respect our differences. She is actually more mature than I am sometimes, despite her youth - and there are things I handle more maturely.