View Single Post
 
Old Apr 16, 2016, 03:10 PM
JustShakey's Avatar
JustShakey JustShakey is offline
WON'T!!!
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,576
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
Just got home from t. I read both of those poem snippets to her. She kinda seemed a little, well, almost offended about my use of the word "masquerade"! I think she felt like I was saying she's fake. I told her I was not being accusatory to anyone and tried to explain what I meant, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it so JS, then I told her what you said about "the masquerade is the work" and she sorta got my meaning a little more then. We had a good session. At the very end, I handed her one of the other poems I wrote, the one that was about ending.... not one I shared here.... and she read it while I got out my hsa card and she said "it doesn't have to end, you know" and then she ran my card through her card reader thingy on her phone and I could barely sign because my hands were shaking. Meh. On the way home, I pulled over and texted her "Oh the feels when you were reading that poem!!" and she replied "Hmm." I hated that response of course. So I replied "I'm good. Laughing at myself, but good. I'll leave it alone now." and she replied with a little flower emoji. I'm SO lame!! (edited to change that last period to a couple exclamation points for effect! Because I am! Lame!) Edited again to add: what the hell does "Hmm." mean anyway?!

goddess help me, I love that woman.

I think hmm is the vocal equivalent of the ellipsis...

I've been thinking about masquerade all day - to the detriment of all the work I need to get done And I have the song from Phantom of the Opera stuck in my head 'masquerade... ...hide your face so the world will never find you'.
...
I think therapy is like a face off between masquerade and drama. Maybe. Wanting the safety of the mask, but needing the visceral realness of the drama.

Sigh, I love my T too, but... I'm longing for the day when I'll have people close to me that I can love in the same way, without the limits of the therapeutic relationship. Of course, real life will have its own limits... But... Sigh...
I'll get there, but in the meantime I'm just really, really lonely.
__________________
'...
At poor peace I sing
To you strangers (though song
Is a burning and crested act,
The fire of birds in
The world's turning wood,
For my sawn, splay sounds,)
...'
Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue
Hugs from:
atisketatasket, unaluna