I feel so badly for you.

Lately I have responded to a couple of posts about the trial of parenting. It's pretty much a given that we will feel like failures at some point in the journey.

The best I have learned to do is forgive myself if I make mistakes. Make peace with the fact that your kid(s) are not who you dreamed they would be. But there is still time.

I have to tell myself all of the time that I will always be a mom, but the time that I am actively parenting has ended. All I can do is offer advice.

You are doing the best you can. When a person lies, then I think they know that they have lost trust and have to prove themselves over and over.

It sounds like you could benefit from counselling of some sort to help you understand that you are a human being. Remember that you can only help someone who wants to be helped.