It's not just about them, right? Who I am in therapy and what my therapist sees of me is very limited -- not just in terms of what I share (let's assume I'm spilling my guts out non-stop) but in terms of context, sheer time limits and all that good stuff.

So, it's a heightened emotional lab (or theater to use my earlier analogy) as I see it.

Neither my therapist nor I are all of who we are -- even if she were to give me unlimited contact now and forever, no-holds-barred, it still wouldn't be the same.
We'd still exist within a frame -- the 'relationship' would be within a frame.

That doesn't make it artificial -- just as I don't see masquerade as artificial.

In fact, I see that as illuminating truths that are otherwise completely hidden in ordinary, seemingly open life (and, I think that is why masquerade / theater etc have such power in stories, our collective psyche anywhere in the world).

And, that's how I think therapy at some level functions as well -- in that little lab which doesn't resemble everyday life, things come to the fore which are completely missed in the seemingly non-hidden world or life outside.

But, to not acknowledge this paradox I think does a major disservice to not only the client but also the therapist's work and the effectiveness of therapy itself -- insisting that it is really 'real' (as in no different than what happens outside) actually denigrates it in some ways and to me feels like a poverty of imagination.

As, I said earlier, I'm running into this with my T as well and sometimes I wish we could both shut up and just read poetry or great literature for a bit and talk about metaphor -- as else, it feels like words are both too much and not enough and we get caught up endlessly in parsing out their meaning only to land smack dab at places within ourselves that defy all attempts at verbalizing.

And, so then we're back again attempting to forge some sort of an uneasy compromise that doesn't feel like bean-counting the meaning of a relationship but also doesn't expose us alone and unaccompanied to the raging wilds of what many of our relationships (especially for those of us who haven't had a large number of positive experiences) look like.....and where the therapist by the very nature of therapy (and since paradoxically, they are oath bound to care for us) cannot join us.

(Okay, I will really quit going on about this right about now and actually do other things with my evening or what's left of it).