I was wondering if any of you get paranoid, what type of mood are you in and what's it like?
I usually get paranoid in mixed states.
I feel driven to go shopping because I feel like I need to buy something, sometimes it's specific and others I don't have a goal in mind, but as soon as I get to the stores I start to feel paranoid.
It feels like everyone is watching me because they suspect me of something or because I disgust them and they are furious that I am there, as if their expressions of loathing should clearly be enough of a hint to make me leave. Sometimes I hear them laughing at me or saying degrading things.
Even though I know it sounds ridiculous and it's illogical I can't stop myself from feeling like it's 100% real. I always end up leaving, forcing myself to walk not run, and sometimes I can't feel my feet while simultaneously the smooth floors feel bumpy so I feel like I m going to fall over.
I try to avoid shopping alone when I feel like that or if need to go I take a list and make it as quick as possible and talk or text on my phone during the trip.