I have always struggled with my self-esteem: early-childhood thru to now (middle-age). I just cannot seem to satisfy myself, no matter what I do. It doesn't matter what the task is either. Part of me is exhausted, while another part keeps pushing me further and further.

I have seriously considered and planned my end a few times, but I'm not currently in that state of mind. That is positive, I suppose. The one thing that keeps me going in life is absolutely my daughters. I don't want to hurt them. Other than my girls, I really don't have anything. I do have a job...but I work with yahoos. My boss refuses to change the situation, so he must consider me to be a yahoo as well. My job certainly isn't technical or high-skill level necessary, nor does it pay well. I stay because I'm not adaptive; my work history isn't very strong; and my brain injury has set real limits for me.

IDK what to do anymore. I just feel so lost, lonely, and hopeless. I don't really have a love life. My ex-bf is now a confusing mess to me. We live in the same apartment building (for disabled people), and moving out is a MAJOR challenge! He still wants to remain friends, which I can do. However, he still wants to have sex with me every now & then. Frequent kiss (pecks) though too. But, there's no commitment between us. WHAT??! It makes no freaking sense to me. Am I alone on this matter as well? Great.

I struggle so much with significance. I had to really fight myself to finally get this post written somewhere. Even though I struggle with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and BPD, I could not allow myself to post anything in those forums. I don't feel important enough to be seen there. While I occasionally allow myself to write a quick and supportive post to someone on PC, it takes a LOT of determination to just get that done. I sure as heck don't want to bore everyone with my menial troubles.

If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! I hope that it wasn't too lame.