For the past few weeks after a really good event I felt my moods go up like I could clean & do things like I used to enjoy that I lost interest in.

Instead of doing my daily walks around neighborhood I been told by Pdoc & GP to jog or run more so I been doing that 3 times a week I used to walk everyday. since I am on sodium valproate can cause weight gain I asked how can I maintain it that was there suggestion.

I feel like running or jogging is a chore like I do 5 or 6 kilometers I rather get it over with than enjoy I guess it's something I have to deal with.. I don't enjoy most sports so I guess my only option.

My Pdoc has given me homework like read a book she suggested to read, write my life story :/ suggest me to write my negative thoughts so I can fix them to positive ones, I am okay writing the negative thoughts but after 3 sessions I don't feel comfortable about writing my life story anymore not that what I am wrting makes me depressed I just find it pointless & boring, I haven't even bothered with the books I know what I am like I sit there become restless half the time when I read 5 pages in I forget what it's on about read the the first page I wasn't interested was cheesy.

I been told I have social anxiety (why I been recommended a particular book)I agree with it but most the time I dislike conversations I like being around people I relate to with interests most the time talking I have no flow in conversations I have nothing else to add once a point had been made.

Yesterday was an event I got well dressed for it everyone seem like didn't want to be there felt like a waste of time I didn't drink everyone was drinking I didn't drink cause it can cause bad interaction with my meds thought be smart not to drink. I felt yesterday my mood plummeted I had good feeling of moods for the past two weeks for no reason could of been a **** day for everyone I felt great for no reason first time in a long while felt really great in these weeks.

Today I felt mixed restless depressed angry than no motivation I want to throw things, I want to have people around me to talk but don't at the same time, I feel like no matter what I do I guess I am stuck with this mood. I don't get still how I go from 80 to 0 in a day??? I feel like I am okay if I never wake up but I won't be doing anything serious. Just I feel crap I should do the homework left by Pdoc no matter if you left me homework I don't have that motivation for it if I find it boring...

This doesn't make sense I guess but feel everywhere I can't think straight