You have definitely had more than your share of shi*** breaks. In fact, I'd say you got yours, plus about four other people's. Can I ask you whether you've ever spoken with a therapist or counselor or have had a trial of antidepressants? I know that none of these things will fix the problems, but it might possibly put you in a slightly better frame of mind to face whatever may come.

I hope you keep posting here. This is a very supportive community.