My pastor is leaving at the beginnjng of June and I'm just shoving that out of my head because it feels like too much to deal with. I don't want to think about her not being here in this city, or there when I need her, even just for a hug. It hurts. I also feel bad that it hurts so much because she's getting older and she's tired. I know she needs to retire. When I look at her she even looks tired. I know lately she worries a lot about me and it makes her sad. She doesn't understand my SH at all, but it scares her. It's hard because I can't really use her for support lately, and I'm just really heartbroken she's leaving so soon. I feel very alone.

On top of that, I might be moved to the PHP at another hospital that's for people who are more seriously ill, and if I am, that means I can't see my normal therapist (bureaucracy) for 6 weeks. Which is stupid, to have a new therapist for 6 weeks. I will have to change in August anyway (bureaucracy again, because the current therapist I have works in a less intensive program but they fasttracked me and there were no individual therapists ready in that program until August), but that will be a permanent change and it will be with another therapist who specializes in SH, and someone my current therapist knows well and chose for me, so she'll help me with it. This just seems like a stressful and stupid change, because who wants to open up to someone they will only see for 6 weeks?