yeah i used to drink waay too much ... actually i would do everything i could, i wasn't prejudice to any substance :/ but ive been trying to do better, specially since the clinic was hounding me about it saying that it probably making me feel worse :/ im not going to that clinic anymore but i realized i do need to take better care of myself..
but i guess what they dont understand is how it feels and sometimes needing to drink just to feel ok


well, i feel a little better right now... my head is a little swimmy but thats ok..
im just ashamed as usual, sometimes i say too much and am too revealing and i cant really take it back, but i dunno... just dont like saying those things :/
i prefer to be like a shadow... unknown - i feel better that way, like i can make whatever i want

im not gonna read what i wrote, but i probably mixed things up or said them backwards so dont pay much attention to it...

i hope no one finds this website and finds me out... no one has any idea what is going on inside of me, i am such a good secret keeper... im sure i look weird sometimes but people are used to me being a little weird, when i was younger people would get worried because i wouldnt talk, i would get so tired of hearing "has anyone seen J?" and im standing/sitting right there, its just not easy to talk sometimes... ill be in my world... but since i got older i think i learned how to do both at the same time for the most part... well something like that..
sometimes ill say things i dont mean just to get out too, not bad things but just things that im like why did i say that?
i have be lonely for way too long... not alone, but lonely i guess... because i run from myself i guess, i dunno i get confused alot anymore :/

i love myself, but i hate myself, i dont like myself but i do... ya know?
i wish i could change things in the past, i've been through too much for me

i dont like the memories that i have, dunno why im so backwards that the stupid memories repeat in my head while i cant remember anything else in the past or present

sorry about writing those things... i guess i got a little buzzed and it just came out...

stupid stupid :/ have a little more blood stain on my shirt but i think no one will notice... my green shirt too
dunno how it keeps getting on my shirts...

atleast my dreams have been nice... really strange, but some parts have been fun - better than the night terrors pretty girls too

i am a bit mixed up so im not gonna write anymore but thanks for lettng me vent...