you know what has been scaring me?
this feeling that i have been having for past 5 or so months..
that one day im going to turn around, or just look up and not know anything, not be myself... and it wont bother me because i wont know... thats scary to me...
like...
its a strange feeling, its like being deleted i think?
i already dont have a timeline... and my sense of time perception is... just imaginary because i pretend so i dont freak everyone out...
i dunno where i came from... or where im going
its difficult to put these things into comprehensible words...
i wonder if any of it explains atleast a little...

my memory recall thing is different than other peoples it seems...
they aren't memories, its like a still picture with a side note... but was it me? or real :/
and that is just with the few things i do recall...
i feel like im walking around with a blank slate all the time, not recording anything...
someone turned the record off...

i haven't done anything yet... the things i want to do... i have never been able to
its not fair...


hmm.. about the memory...i wanted to elaborate...
since it seems like its not recording, im not really picking up real ... like "this is what im doing"
its like i will start doing something, walk from the kitchen to the room and when i arrive, i am like "hmm, now what was it.."
and 5 seconds or so just kind of imaginarilly seeking through my mind ill get a reply and i just try to keep going...
sometimes i just cant remember and i just do something else.. i dunno why this doesnt really make me angry... because i feel like i should be appalled... even writing / talking i have to keep stopping ya know?
i think im brain dead

x2
sorry i really cant think that good lately, feel like im not able to communicate very well :/
the psychologist said that i have a high level cognitive organization problem... so whatever that is maybe thats whats wrong...