There are times when I just want to sit with my eyes closed and hear T's voice. It doesn't matter what he's saying, I just want to hear the soothing tone that smoothes my ruffled feathers.

I haven't heard enough of that lately. The relationshp has felt strained often recently and I'm trying to sort out the complexities. There are two of us in this and we both bring our %#@&#! to the table, so to speak. We are both human, after all. Today, I told T that I thought he was really perceptive about how I think but sometimes missed the mark about how I feel. I think I hurt his feelings when I said that but it was a big moment for me in terms of saying what I was feeling. I'm just not sure about anything anymore. Therapy. the relationship, whether it's real, how I feel about the whole darned thing. Maybe i'm just not good at this. Maybe I just can't.

My inner child was close to coming out to play, but now she's going back inside where it's safe.