I am tired for being constantly criticized and not being good enough.

Yeah, sorry for how I look, that I am not some skinny blonde, botoxed bimbo with mouthful of porcelain veneers. There are plenty of those running around. But no, you need to come to my Facebook and comment on it.

I am sorry I cannot act always oh-so-professional and that I am sometimes... you know relatable or human and have my moments. It's just me.

And I am sorry that I actually care for issues that matter and that I do what I do. That I am a humanitarian and don't just pick random fights and stand behind microphone making big speeches.

I am sorry I am not nicety nice goody two shoes, that I am not oh-so-politically-correct-chicken-soup-woman. I am sorry I drink too much at times and consume "too much" of coffee.

Actually, not....

I spent TWO winters standing on square doing the humanitarian/political/activist thing. Lately my ****ing joins have been hurting and I blame the two winters in the cold.

And then some people come and criticize it's not enough.

I am doing plenty of things that can be dangerous. I pretty much put all my future out there and if things really go down, I am screwed. I know it. That's why I have bags under my eyes, because who knows too much sleeps a little... and no amount of correction stick will undo that.

I get hate mail, even death threats, it's ****ing with me mentally, I had gotten a case of PTSD from it (pretty sure)... but noooooo, it's not good enough. I need to do more, differently, or not at all, I need to act not so crazy and driven... be more strategic whatnot....

Gah, this has been long day, long past few weeks, long past few months.

I guess little me does not deserve a break. And now I am anxious as hell, because if **** goes down, not sure whom to count at.

I need to be ready for work tomorrow, but not sure how will I manage. And there is few more events I need to be on, all ready, pretty, alert. Not sure how much longer can I do this.