I'm sorry you are suffering so. You know, you ask questions that you really don't have to answer right now, imo. Everyone finds issues with things about him/herself whether from the past or current life. The thing about sex and all that encompasses is you can wait until you do get it all figured out before you have to do anything. That's one good thing about the topic. It can wait until you're clear.

We all get a clean slate as soon as we want one. Most people wait until the next morning, but really, you can decide that the past is the past, and while we do suffer some from our previous decisions, we no longer have to be who or what we were even yesterday.

I hope you will give yourself some time of restraint, at least until it no longer worries you. TC