Dear T, thank you for calling me back and saying you won't give up on me as I asked you to when I called. For me to ask is huge. I know we both know that.

And you added to it, asking me to not give up on therapy. Two frustrating weeks in a row and all my doubts and fears and resistance are taking a toll on me. Replaying your saying that has been so encouraging and comforting to me today.


It is hard to look at me,so hard to sustain trust in you. How do I end the resistance, drop the defense of protecting by withdrawing and denying and stop-thinking?

It is the other way around now; being out and exploring are what offer the protection now in this setting. It's such a flip and I feel so resistant to it, yet at the same time drawn to it like a moth to light.

I'm afraid of how I'll feel once things start coming out.

I'm afraid of me.

I'm afraid of you.

It feels safer with the covers pulled up over my head.

But stay close by, don't leave me, okay?