Would you guys help me out here.... I am in a rough spot - between and "rock and a hard spot".. as I call it..

Putting this post out here takes some courage for me... because DID... it is so complex.. and with DID.. above all I don't want to add pain for a fellow DID person...

yet.. I am in so much pain.. to breathe hurts...so I move forward and ask for your help... and please answer.. there are no wrong ones... not for me.. just rejection would hurt more..

So all of the above.. is to ask... have you ever tried to explain "yourselves" to anyone.. IRL or not IRL..and had them treat you like well... can't even say the word..

let's just say... I now have 4 heads...10 legs... 14 arms.. - it is what the person now "sees" that I explained "me" to...

In my heart of hearts, I know that this is not "my problem"... ... hurts me to the quick when this happens..

I don't take a chance on someone very often.. but once in a great great while I do... because I get tired of "keeping my guard" up all the time.. I get tired of being seen as a "liar" because my alters have differing viewpoints...

Recently, I was receiving a massage from a new massage T... while on the table.. I was very nervous...

so he asked me the different massage T names I have used in the past... and I couldn't come up with one name.. not one in the 20 some years I have used massage..... so he then used the word "supposedly" seen.. the next time he asked......like I was lying and had seen none..... I wanted to scream.. I don't KNOW... but hey give me a minute.. I will try to find the alter that can tell you..

So another question.. is DID lonely for you?? I mean I have friends.. but I feel like since I have no family other than my son...and I couldn't.. wouldn't tell him... he would probably run screaming for the hills... and yes I know this because when he accidently found out about my eating disorder.. well let's just say... for a very long time I had 4 heads... and I think I am down to 2 heads...but it has been 5 years..

lonely because you just can't share your secret of "DID"..

I mean on top of the "secrets" of the abuse in my past, I also carry the heavy secret of "DID"...and I feel isolated.. alone.. and yes.. that word "freakie" that I did not want to say before...

I pray.. that I have hurt no one else with my questions.. I just don't know who else to ask.. my T.. he doesn't have DID..

we do..

love to everyone...