His unappreciative behavior seems to be the biggest issue you're having, and that's understandable. He is still very young though, so I don't think you need to worry too much. Some people just take more time to adjust and find their way in the world. I think if you want him to be more independent, try taking just one thing away (like the allowances) and seeing how that goes. I wouldn't come down too hard on him, because you might end up with a resentful son on your hands. Personally, I think it's more important to be patient with him right now.