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I think it's helpful when we give people criticism that we tell them ways then can give us what we need so they can take positive action instead of just sitting there feeling criticized. You know what I mean? Sometimes it seems easier to tell people what we don't want than what we do want. What do you want from your T, sister?

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Well, when we were talking it was about something specific that he said to me and we talked it through and yes, we both realized that it was possible to discuss without criticizing the other. But then he just did the same thing again, without realizing it. And, yes I told him again and we repaired again. Mind you, this was all in one session.

T and I have also talked about how often to expect connection in the relationship and I don't expect it all the time, I just want it now, darn it!!!!

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Does he think so too? Do you talk about this? What is his take on the strain?

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Well, I don't think he thinks of it in the same way that I do but he knows it's there because i have told him.

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Did you tell him that also? It almost sounds like another way of criticizing him. What can he do to make it safe for your child to come out? That information will be helpful to him. Tell him.

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No, it's not intended as a criticism of him, just a statement of fact. My child self doesn't feel safe when there is discord of any kind. Too much abuse in my past. It's just a fact of me that this little girl will just stay where she is until she knows it's safe to come out. And no, I did not tell T, but he will know just by how I am in therapy.

Although I am aware of the positive impact of disconnect in this relationship, it's been quite a while now, and we need to
reconnect!

PS I just had a thought. I think I'm pushing him away.