So many things are happening to you in such a short period of time. I'm sorry you have to deal with a new therapist, and that your pastor is leaving, in addition to everything else that's going on right now.

I guess the question we all need to keep asking ourselves is, "Would I be this judgmental if it were another person going through the same stuff that I'm currently going through?" Because for most of us, the answer will most likely be "no". We judge ourselves so harshly, when we would be so compassionate towards other people in a similar situation.

I am very hard on myself. I am typing these words to you, and I am being completely sincere, and yet I would never say the same things to myself. I believe I am a horrible person who does stupid things, like set myself up for failure because I think I am supposed to fail anyway. Also, last week I ate three times in four days. I can go entire days without eating. That seems like a very stupid thing to do. Also, my sleep cycle is completely f-ed up. What on earth is wrong with me? Why do I do these things to myself? I should force myself to eat. I should force myself not to take naps in the afternoon and to not stay up all night. Why do I do this self-destructive nonsense?

But I don't do those things for sh***its and giggles, do I? I struggle with insomnia and hypersomnia when I'm depressed, and it's hard to establish a healthy sleep pattern. Eating is a thing I have to force myself to do (so is taking my meds), and sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I'm even too tired to make food. I know not eating is a stupid, self-destructive thing, but I do it anyway. Maybe a part of me wants to feel terrible, wants the headaches and the dizziness and the non-functioning brain. I don't know. Maybe it numbs the emotional pain. My parents judge me for it, tell me I'm being stupid and not behaving like an adult or whatever, and that feels like the truth to me. So why do I keep doing it?

However, I can certainly be compassionate towards you, because I truly believe that you are not to blame for any of your pain, and you're not stupid. You have an illness. And in fact I believe that mental illness is physical, because it is caused by a faulty nervous system. Something has gone wrong in your body. Also, isn't the brain a part of the body?! Is it not, in fact, the organ that controls everything?