im kind of freaked out... i am but im not... im concerned...
i feel really hazy and i am having troubles.. i feel like i am having amnesia...
have been for the past ... i dunno... its ongoing... but its bad... really bad right now...
i am wondering if i should go to my GP about this... if there is anything she could do anyway...
i dunno whats happening really, i have always had a bad memory but it seems to have really ... increased in some form... or im just starting to notice that its bad because i have been sober and off medications...
no, its definitely worse... im not really here...
i feel high... well not high good high... not euphoric... but disorientated... hazy... cant focus... i feel disconnected and like this isnt really real...
i keep having strong sensations that this isnt real, its like a dream... and maybe i will wake up and things will be ok, i will be ok...
but i dont think this is a dream... i think something is wrong...
im trying to be calm... for the most part i am calm... i dont want to panic... but i feel like im already really panicked beyond limits or not able to panic because i cant feel... if that makes sense..
nothing makes sense right now...
i have only felt like this when really stoned... but i dunno... i used to always be stoned... everyday, all the time, for probably 10 years atleast...
i can't connect the dots, i have been reading about "lost time" ... i dunno if thats whats happening... i feel like i am aware right now... but when the moment passes and i try to think back it feels like there is no past...
i dunno how to explain it you know...
im really confused...

can my GP do anything about this...? should i make an appointment with her...
would klonopin bring me down? or valium..?
maybe if i tell her im experiencing this really bad she will give them back to me... i just want to relax but i cant... they didnt take me off them for any reason, i requested a break at the old clinic and asked if i would be able to get back on them in a couple months and he said yes but he lied and would never give them back to me... he blatantly said "im not going to give you klonopin anymore" even though he said he would let me get back on them after the break... i just wanted to lower my tolerance...
i think people are starting to notice that im looking different, i feel different... i cant look at people because i feel like they will see that i cant see myself... if that makes sense.... or maybe they will not recognize me or see that im different...

i dunno how long i can go on like this
its scary... i dont know what to think...
i cant think...

there is nothing the GP can do right...
sorry about posting stupid things...

stupid de ja vu feeling... i am dizzy... i might faint...
my head feels empty...