I'm pretty messed up right now and this is my first post. Part of this post will not pertain to sexuality but it is being included because I dont feel it warrants its own thread. Im just gonna lay it all out.

I am 22, male, Caucasian, suburbs, east coast. I have a girlfriend of about a year. There is plenty about her I could say about sometimes I hate her and sometimes I want to hug her. But for now, I think she wants to have sex more than me. I feel weird because society tells me men want it more....and society tells me lots of things that I dont feel that I am. I would much rather have it once or twice a week and have it mean a lot. Wait till we are both charged and in great moods so we can have amazing sex. I feel like she just wants it all the time, many times. I had sex with her 5 times the other night!

The next part of my rant is on orientation. I had considered myself straight until I was probably around 19-20. I have had sex with 9 women and believe I was in love with 2 or 3 of them. Maybe more if i had had a chance to get to know them . Now I am confused because slowly I began wondering if I wasnt straight. I looked at gay porn and found that it usually REALLY turns me on.....I dont usually get erections that hard. I dont understand because I had not ever consciously known about this kind of thing before I was older. I dont think I was attracted to guys or anything. Gay porn seems to be more arousing that straight porn which seems boring to me, usually. I dont know what this means and it FREAKS ME OUT. I dont like being on the fence about things especially when it comes to who I have sex with and get romantically involved with. I want to be with someone and not worry if I am doing the right thing...I want to know my life is not being lived false, no matter what. I want to know for sure.

Next. I was involved in an incident where someone was killed recently. I locked eyes with this individual and then they were savagely killed by a 9mm to the head. Honestly, as tough as I thought I was, I am having some real problems with this...big problems. crying, feelings of self hurt, guilt, feeling sorry, etc.