Thanks again for the awesome responses!

I know I can't change other people's behaviour but I resent the hell out of the fact that I have to do all the work. It actually pisses me off beyond words. Sometimes I will be in a perfectly okay/neutral mood and my Mum will say one little thing (it doesn't even have to be judgmental) and I will become instantly irritated. I have a lot of anger towards her that has built up over the years and I think I need to deal with that before I can try and change my role in the family dynamic. I have talk to my T quite a bit about my feelings towards my mum so hopefully if I keep doing that it will help me to resolve this anger/resentment. I just need to remind myself it will take time and to be patient (I am super impatient haha).