It's been quite a while since I've been on here. I have been doing well, for the most part, and completely off meds since November of 2014. I've been out of work since February due to a wrist injury, and I am scheduled to go back the middle of May.

Being off work does not do good things for me. Being so broke we can't pay bills doesn't do good things for me either. Both is a nightmare that I'm currently living. I'm ready to just call the doctor and have him release me to go back to work this week, so I can get back into the routine and get more money in.

I know it's not smart, but I'm in the midst of a horrible mixed episode and I feel like I'm loosing my mind, and I'm desperate to do something, anything. I have not really had any major episodes since I stopped taking medication, and it has been great.

Now it's not so great. I feel lost. I don't want meds again. I don't like the way they don't work like I want, and I don't like the fog they leave me in. I have managed without them. I want to keep managing without them.

I need to focus. I need to direct this energy. I need to calm my thoughts. I need to breathe.