Thanks Mouse, Perna, sidony, alexandra_k, sky, and sister.

Thinking back on the session, I see the time T and I spent doing the puzzle box together as very important. Sometimes my T's skill amazes me. I was being very resistant to him (for a longer time than I indicated in my recap), yet he knew something important had to get out, and I wouldn't let him connect and was scared to proceed without the connection. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking (sunny, get on with it already), so he just came and physically sat very close to me to help us connect. And bingo, sure did the charm. When I felt the connection, he backed off, and then I had the courage to talk. How did he know to do that?

I'm still feeling really good about this session. I feel like not only did I get to mend things with T, but like maybe this was a turning point for me and anger. While I was expressing the anger in session, I did not feel awful. And afterwards, I didn't feel awful either. Usually, if I do get angry (only happens very rarely), it feels so very very bad to me that I can get depressed and will swear off it for ages. It just didn't feel like that with T, probably because of his accepting response. It felt OK to be angry!!!! I think in my mind, a mandatory link between being angry and feeling bad/getting a bad response has been broken. I think maybe I could get angry again and be OK (I don't mean necessarily with T, but with anyone). I am almost eager to try.

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_Sky said:
Yes, you have a keeper there (in a T.)

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Amen to that.

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sister said:
When I read your poem I was worried about you. I am so glad you and T were able to work through the difficult session with your husband. I must say, it makes me ever so hesitant to bring my husband to therapy. Your post was beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

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Thanks for being concerned about me when you read the poem, sister. It was really a low moment when I wrote that. Yes, the session with my husband was difficult, but we have had 8 other couples sessions, and only one other was this bad. Some good has definitely come out of them. And the experience of trusting my T to manage the joint sessions has been important. It requires a leap of faith for me each time, and it really draws us closer that I am willing to let him do this for me. If you are worried about the potential for feeling abandoned by your T if you bring your husband to therapy, you could always try going to a different therapist with him. I wish I had gone to therapy with my husband years ago. I tried to get him to go for marriage counseling 10 years ago but he refused. So we limped along. Finally, when we are ready to separate, then we go for couples counseling. Go figure. I hope you will give therapy a try with your husband if you think it would help you. Don't just give up like I did!